WHS 54 – Advice for Geek Husbands

The honeymoon is over, guys. By now you’re used to waking up next to your wife after listening to her snore all night. You didn’t know she snored. Her hair looks like a rat’s nest and her breath stinks. There’s something else that stinks too.

No, I’m not talking about your breath. I’m talking about your relationship. The thrill is gone and you don’t know why. First, let me say that if you’re reading this on your smartphone and your wife is in the room with you then you need to stop. Now. Come back to this later and talk to your wife.


Did you see what I did there? I just showed you one of the reasons your marriage isn’t all unicorns and rainbows (for your wife) or bullets and explosions (that’s for you, guys). Still interested in finding out how to kick your marriage into high-gear? Good. Check out these 5 Ways to Supercharge Your Marriage:

Be Present

Here’s something that has happened in my house before: I’m sitting on the couch with my nose in my iPhone, the kids are running around like crazy, and I hear my wife ask, “Can I have that?” She’s talking about my iPhone. I look up, my face goes a little flush and then I put it in my pocket.

Our wives want us here. Not on the Internet, not at work, here. Wherever you are that’s where she wants you. When you’re with your wife be with her. Shut-off the smartphone and be with her. When you’re with the kids, be there with them. Don’t glance over the top of your iPhone and yell at the kids, “If you’re not bleeding, you’re not hurt!” Be there, with them.

Unplug When You Walk in the Door

You’ve had a long day at work. In between playing Hearthstone or Clash of Clans you were interrupted and actually had to get something done. Now you’ve come home and all you want to do is get caught up on your RSS feeds.

You can do that later. Put the smartphone away, don’t rush to the computer and unplug for a little while. Take some time and enjoy your wife and kids. Don’t sit at the dinner table, phone in hand, trying to read about the latest Apple product.

You need to unplug for a few hours. Stop thinking about the rest of the world and focus on your family. The RSS feeds, games, and the rest of the Internet will still be there. Sure, you won’t be available to spread the latest meme or hoax but you’ll be much more effective as a husband if you unplug for just a few hours.

You Don’t Need a Man-cave You Need a “Family Cave”

We’ve all seen pictures online of these awesome man-caves. Triple wide screen monitors, 60-inch plasma displays, every console ever built since the Atari 2600, and more geeky collectibles than the local comic book store.

Usually these guys are single. If they’re not, they probably will be soon. All the time, money, and thought that went into putting together that man-cave was wasted. The electronics will burnout and the collectibles will gather dust and your marriage will be in shambles.

Rather than build a man-cave, built a family cave. Built a place where you and your family can sit and relax and really get to know each other. I’m not saying you can’t have all those cool things but consider first the purpose of all that stuff. Is it just to entertain you?

Gaming Consoles Galore!

Keep Tech Out of the Bedroom

No games in the game room.  The bedroom should be a place where you and your wife can escape from the kids and your toys. Unless you’re on call 24-7 your cell phone shouldn’t be in there.  If you need an alarm clock, go get a $10 digital clock, don’t use your smartphone as an alarm clock because it will just be a distraction.  The bedroom is your fortress of solitude away from the rest of the world and that means the Internet too.

Likewise, don’t put a TV in your bedroom.  Don’t get into the habit of watching TV while your wife reads a book next to you in bed.  There’s a time and place for that: in the living room.

Share Your Accounts and Passwords

I see you.  You want to stop reading now.  You’re thinking, “I was with you up until now but you’ve taken things too far!”  You need to do this.  Trust your wife with your online accounts and passwords.  You shouldn’t hide anything from her.  If you can’t be the same person online as your are with your wife then you’re leading a double-life.

This is something that I struggle with.  My son once told me that I was a lot cooler online than in real life.  Wow.  That hit me hard.  I wasn’t the same person online as I am when I’m with my family.  I need to work harder at being a cool dad all the time, not just online.

Final Thoughts

It’s not easy being a geek husband.  We like our tech and toys.  If we have a geek wife then it’s a little easier but I think these rules still apply.  We shouldn’t be so caught up in our geekdom that we neglect the precious wives that God placed in our lives.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” Eph. 5:25 (NASB)

What are some things that you do to encourage your wife?  How to do you unplug and focus on your wife instead of the screen in front of you?  Wives, what other advice do you have for husbands who seem to focus more on their gadgets and toys than you?  Leave your comments below.

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